What prema means
Prema is the Sanskrit word for love. In Hindi and other Indian languages, it means love in the everyday sense.
In the devotional (bhakti) traditions, the word has a specific meaning. Prema is the purest form of love. It asks for nothing in return.
The idea has its fullest form in Gaudiya Vaishnavism, the tradition of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu in 16th-century Bengal. In this tradition, the love of Radha for Krishna is the model of prema. The poet-saint Meera Bai is another well-known example.
Prema and kama
The traditions define prema by its contrast with kama.
Desire that centers on the self.
I want this because it pleases me.
Love that centers on the beloved.
I want what pleases you.
The Chaitanya Charitamrita compares the two to iron and gold. From the outside, they can look alike. Their nature is different.
The nine stages to prema
Rupa Goswami, a disciple of Chaitanya, described devotion as a path of nine stages. Prema is the last stage. It is the full ripening of love.
- Shraddhafaith
- Sadhu-sangagood company
- Bhajana-kriyapractice
- Anartha-nivrittirelease of bad habits
- Nishthasteadiness
- Ruchitaste
- Asaktiattachment
- Bhavadeep feeling
- Premapure love
To describe this love is like a person who cannot speak, trying to tell the taste of something sweet.
Other Sanskrit words for love
Sanskrit has many words for love. Each word names a different kind.
- Sneha स्नेह
- Tender affection, like the love of a parent for a child.
- Maitri मैत्री
- Friendly goodwill toward all beings.
- Karuna करुणा
- Compassion for those who suffer.
- Prema प्रेम
- The most complete and the least selfish form of love. Many teachers place it above the others.
Prema in everyday life
You do not need to be a devotee to use this idea. Prema gives you one test for any relationship:
Is my love about the other person, or about what I get from them?
- Give without keeping score.
- Help a friend or family member. Do not track who owes whom.
- Want their good, even at a cost to you.
- A parent supports a child who moves far away for school. A partner supports an opportunity that changes life for both.
- Give full attention.
- Listen without planning your reply. Put the phone down.
- Serve quietly.
- Cook a meal, drive a neighbor, or volunteer. Do not ask for credit. The Sanskrit word for this is seva.
- Love without conditions.
- Care for people at their worst, not only when they are pleasant or useful to you.
- Let go of control.
- Respect the freedom of the other person. Love that tries to own someone moves toward kama.
- Check your motive.
- Before a kind act, ask: would I still do this if no one knew?
Practice each day
The traditions say that pure prema is rare. It comes from long practice.
Most human love mixes selfless and selfish parts. That is normal. Each time you put the good of another person before your own comfort, you practice a little prema.